I just went and publish something I’ve written a long long time ago when I was frustrated with my exams.
To pull myself from those pressures, I got me some hot milk and let my fingers tapped the keyboard, absentmindedly.
So here it is…
He should be the one.
He is flawless, close to perfection. His parents love him. His friends adore him. Everybody loves him.
“Hey it’s him, isn’t he a hottie?”
An everyday scene when girls fawning over him again. It’s always the same whenever he passes by. But I can’t complain he does have the looks and all.
Numerous girls have confessed and ended with hearts broken. But still there cupid arrows aim at him. Wouldn’t they give up? How timid. They should.
I hope so.
Cause his heart is…
I just can’t understand why everybody’s attentions are on him. I have to get out of here. I have to find a place where I can’t see him, where I can’t feel his presence, where I can escape from his world.
I just want to disappear from here.
“Hey are you alright?”
A voice suddenly pulled me back.
“You seem kinda off. Is something wrong?”
His voice was husky but a kind one.
It was no stranger; he is not a stranger to me.
“Sorry, I’m okay.” I bluntly replied and calmly went back to the classroom.
That voice belonged to Henry – his best friend.
And I fell for him.
That bastard sure is lucky to have him by his side.
Is this what they unrequited love?
A love that can’t bloom?
That is certain because I don’t plan to tell him these feelings.
Not now, not ever.
I’m contented with what I have right now. His smile is enough. I don’t want to destroy the world that Henry lives happily. I don’t want to see him break apart just like me.
Ha. Would he really? I doubt that. Even if I would show this love, he would never know. No one will ever know because they would only see that guy.
It’s already time for class and everybody is on their seats. I forgot we had exams last week and now everybody is on a dilemma.
Not for him. So they thought.
Just as expected, he got the highest score again.
Don’t they know that he worked his butt off studying two weeks before their exams? How admirable, right? Just that he prefers not it to be known. He doesn’t want to ruin his perfect image. Why? Can’t he just be honest?
Oh right, he sucks at it. It’s the one thing he’s not good at and I hate him for that.
He’s scared from their sharp judging eyes. He’s scared to fail from their expectations, countless expectations that he’s trying to have. He was so scared to show me to them.
But he is better than me. The me who’s invisible, the me who should be casted away.
It was only right that he chose me over…
It was me who was selfish and it was him who was scared. But who did prevail?
Obviously, the favored shall live.
I let out a sigh.
I then decide that I shall have my secret base far away from his reality. A place where I can be me without him. Where was it again? My family?
Don’t make me laugh; it’s the same at school. It was already then manifested by his disease. My parents and my brother only see his perfection.
Huh? The bell rang. I hadn’t notice. All this self- pitying had me lost time. I can’t even remember how many times I’ve been like this. Just like a sitting doll in the classroom with blank eyes.
I passed to the corridor after all had been settled in class duty. That made me thought less about my own worries. It was a daily dose of beer to forget the problems, but just like that, after the hangover’s done, it comes back haunting again, that was nothing new.
Guess it was not the right timing when I heard the other students say
“He’s too obvious, he’s hiding something right? Look here, he’s kind of pisses me off. His acting so high and mighty. That guy’s just plain annoying.”
Looks like he can’t hold this perfect world any much longer.
I laughed of what I have heard.
I laughed of how stupid he was even though he was smart.
I laughed until my eyes were all blurred.
My checks were damp from the tears flowing from my eyes.
And unconsciously went to the library.
Ahhh… in the library, just like before.
She who can listen to my whims and untold secrets.
My eyes wandered.
Where was she?
Where were those shoulders where I could cry my heart out?
She was there at the usual place. In a corner where no one can even see.
A place devoid from reality, from his world. I thought.
My perfect escape.
She saw me heading her way. Only a look, she can see my soul that was wrecked inside.
She patted my head. Though my words were grumbled, she intently listened.
Her eyes showed no judgment.
She let me be spoiled within her arms.
And I needed that warmth..
Needed it to balance myself from him.
But I still have to face him.
Though it was only for a moment.
I was still glad she was there.
Her existence, I was thankful.
I know how she feels for me.
It was obvious.
With that kind of eyes gently looking at me,
one can fall for…
But she never told me.
Perhaps, she knew.
But please can I be selfish, only this time?
Just let me borrow this shoulder of hers.
I walked home with my tears poured out.
I intended to stay longer but I can’t bear to make her hurt anymore.
My day ended, facing the mirror.
I touched him and he touched me.
I traced the corner of his face and so he did to me.
I stopped and pulled out my arms from the glass.
I laughed at myself,
Was this the life he wanted?
Was this the life I wanted?
This is how it should be.
The life I have to live.
He is me and I am him.
This is some novice work. Got some grammar issues. Vague sentences or unconnected thoughts. I hope you’d forgive me for that.
I’m not really into writing, only when I feel like it, I just want to let this all out from my head.
I hope I managed to fool you guys thinking that the one narrating was a girl but it was him after all.
If anyone’s reading this, thank you for your time.